i don't even know

i can't believe that summer's over. and i can't believe i just looked back at my summer bucket list and i only did like one third of it. i didn't even do the dive off the high dive one. i was at the pool almost everyday all summer. why didn't i do that? every time some period of time comes to an end i always feel like i didn't do everything i wanted to do.....its inevitable. i wanted to have adventure this summer but that never really happened. i wanted this summer to mean something, but somehow i feel like it didn't. I'm now back in cola and it's over so fast. i dont understand what happened. i wanted to do all of these cool things and see all these people and take pictures of everything and post them on here and i never did it. i never saw everyone i wanted to see and i didn't do half of everything i wanted to do and i didn't post anything on here all summer, not that i have to do any of this but i wanted to. and now its just like the last few months never happened, but when i close my eyes i can recall almost every moment i want to remember from this summer. i remember getting a gold in city county and being at the beach and going to festival in the park and frequenting mill mountain and riding around with my girls and hanging out with nicole and anna and the burton's and i remember taking abbey out for ice cream and i remember going hiking at the cascades and hanging out in the guard room and i remember all of these things but they feel so fresh and at the same time they feel SO far away. it really freaks me out. like i get anxious just thinking about how all this is gone and i wanted to write about all these things in my journal and i planned to get up every morning before practice and have quiet times but now i have almost nothing in my journal from the whole summer and I'm so afraid I'm going to forget it all someday. it will be like four months of my life that never happened which is really silly because i have so many years of my life that i don't have documented but now i just want to savor every moment but as soon as i do then the moment's gone. and now I'm sitting here in my house in columbia thinking of all the plans i have for this semester and all the people i want to hang out with and all of the things i want to accomplish and the truth I'm facing is that i probably won't accomplish much of it, i just don't have the time. even through my bucket list and all my planning this summer i only really wanted to do one thing, and thats affect someone's life in some positive way and i don't even know if I've done that. and then thats all i want to do this semester but I'm afraid to have that be a goal cuz then if i don't accomplish it i'll feel just as weird and confused as i do now.