I dont like being home from saranac. back to reality. it's mostly been alright. i've loved returning to coaching at Forest Hills. i love that i feel important there and everyone appreciates me. I saw Michael again. i'm not ready to go back to being with those friends. just looking at his facebook today evoked feelings of jealousy. gahh is it worth it? sometimes i'm not sure. i call him my best friend but idk if that's always true.
I dont want to be back from Saranac. it was such a great week. it was great being around new girls i didn't know well and hanging out with new people. i liked that all of my friends werent there, sometimes they hold me back. Saranac was a great week for building new relationships. and this month of getting away from certain friends was much needed. it really opened my eyes to what is important to me. it's important for me to worry less about what other people think about me, and just live my life. if i worry about what others think it hinders my relationships, not only with friends but with the lord, and that's not okay. the constant judging that the world puts on us is not helpful. i need and want to be above it, but it's not always that easy. it's easy to go where i'm loved and not worry about my relationships with people that know the lord.
on a lighter note, we had our last monday night meet tonight. so sad. i love them so much. but i'm looking forward to city county and coaching for 2 more weeks. gotta make it last. also, i've started babysitting a girl on the team from 8-5 on weekdays. that's gonna get the cash flow started for college.
speaking of which, i can't wait to go to USC. but mainly i can't wait to get the heck out of the noke. i have 5 weeks left. gotta make them count by hanging out with the friends i feel loved by. no sense in wasting time where i'm not wanted. let's do this.
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