your head can't rule your heart

...but if it could, i wouldn't be in the situation i'm in. my head tells me, no, he's just a friend. but my heart has a mind of it's own.

speaking of my heart, lately there's been a lot on it. i've been so distracted lately. i think we put so much effort into serving and doing the work of the Lord that we sometimes lose sight of our friends that are lost, i know i do. now while i'm fully aware that the point of the work we do is not solely based on "saving lost kids"....loving on them does play a role. it's about building relationships, which i'm good at, but i think we all sometimes just get caught up in "serving" that we don't always take the time to consider what that means. even when i have my quiet times i'm thinking about clubs and leading. there's a voice inside my head screaming "that's not the point!" i was really brought back down to earth by my brother the other night. he reminded me that leading is not the point. neither is loving, or being a friend. nor building relationships, witnessing, or helping lost kids. the point is to follow the Lord. if you haven't got that, then you're lost. you see, you can't lead successfully if you're not following Christ. and you can't love correctly if you're not loving the Lord first. love the Lord, and all of those things will follow.

I definitely needed to be reminded of this. i've been struggling with that lately.

also, all of the sickness in my family has been on my heart lately. a few weeks ago at campaigners i gave my testimony. when i was mentally preparing in my head, and talking it out with a friend, i realized something. when my mom was sick in 8th grade, i ended up coming to know the lord. "why the dark before the dawn?" through all of that hardship came new life. why i had to go through that, i'll never know. all i know is that there's a plan for me. that's so clear in my life. my testimony verse was jeremiah 29:11, the lord has a plan. it's so apparent in my life. and now with new hardships i am going through and will go through in the future, i know something good will come out of them. it's so comforting. through my mom's sickness, i met the lord. through this new sickness, i've built relationships with my brothers and sisters in christ. ordinarily, i would want to put a stop to the pain in my life. but instead i'm saying "bring it on," because i'm excited to see what will happen next.