one of the guys?

i am not good at being one of the guys. i am afraid of getting in trouble, a goody goody, you could say. so when it's just me and the guys and they're doing crazy stuff, like slingshotting gummy bears at cars while driving, i just don't fit in. i kinda wish i did though. i wish i could be one of those girl next door types that could be one of the guys and also be girly and stuff. but i feel like the guys i hang with either see you as one of the guys or as a girl. you can't be both. i want to be a girl. if the guys were with another girl i feel like they wouldn't act the same. i don't know if this is a blessing or a curse. sure, i'm tight with them. we hang. i guess they trust me to be around them when they're being stupid teenage boys. i guess that's all well and good and all but sometimes i wish i could be that girl that made them act differently. i don't know. they both have their advantages.

i think it's funny that we always wish we could be what we aren't. funny and kind of sad. i wish i could be the girl that the guys treat like a girl, with respect and such. i wish i could be shorter. sometimes i wish i didn't have curly hair. it is just silly to me that we all wish we could be that which we aren't. because we were all created perfectly. you know what's also silly to me? how often we forget that. it's sad how often the world tells us how imperfect we are.

Now, tattoos are illegal in my fam (cray cray Kendall) so instead i like to draw on myself. but i always hear people who are annoyed when people draw verses on their arms and stuff, but i like doing that. judge me if ya want, but it's honestly a great reminder when you aren't having the best day, to look down and see the Word written on your hand. so today i wrote "13914" on my hand. it's discreet, cause no one but me knows what the numbers mean...well, until now, cause i'm telling you.


"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full."
                    ~Psalms 139:14


get it?