hannah's hope

i had been pondering that last post for a few days. last night we had bible study. every week one of us gets to choose the topic. i chose this weeks - suffering. i hate suffering. i picked it because of something i've been struggling through for the last few months. but i felt like what we studied seemed like more of how to take on other struggles like sickness. i guess my struggles do apply though. i just didn't handle my problems the right way. i didn't put my trust in the Lord, but instead i took it into my own hands. we watched a video our leader Ally's friend Hannah. from high school of an interview the girl gave before she died from cancer. It reminded me of Kendall from CS. And it made me feel like my struggles aren't as big as they seem. Like, kendall is enduring so much more than i was. so much more. and then i thought, well, if she can handle that, then i can surely handle this. why did i think i couldn't? She's so strong through her cancer, i can be strong too. and then i thought, well, kendall is going through awful stuff, but Christ went through so much more on the cross. i've always had trouble seeing that Christ has felt everything i have. but i thought, wow, kendall should be able to look at the Lord and think, He knows my pains, He's felt them, He knows exactly what i'm going through. He has endured much more. that should inspire her. much like she inspires me. then i though, wow, if Kendall inspires me this much - a 15 year old girl who has encountered so much pain - then why shouldn't Christ inspire me so much more? i like putting it in perspective like that. i feel like i look at kendall how she should look at Christ on the cross. kendalls story inspires me so much. but Christ's story means so much more. i love thinking about it this way. really puts it into perspective.

then i thought about my last post. i'm sitting here whining about a friend that i'm losing touch with. SO WHAT? it doesn't matter. why do i care so much? it really is not a big deal. at all. there are so many worse things. kendall has a life-threatening form of cancer. and she's not complaining. Hannah went through so much and didn't even live through it. through the interview we watched, she never complained once. she was all about giving God the glory for what was happening in her life. i just feel like sometimes we all blow thing way out of proportion. me included, for sure. last night just really opened my eyes. it really put my priorities in perspective. i need to worry less about the little things and trust the Lord. maybe there's a reason my friend and i are growing apart. maybe that friendship wasn't good for me. deep down, i think that's true. yes, it sucks. but i trust that this is the Lord's way of making me more like Him. it definitely sucks a lot less to think about it this way.

oh yeah....i almost forgot....this is my favorite verse from bible study last night:

"He heals the brokenhearted,

and binds up their wounds"

~Psalms 147:3